Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
