what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
