my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
