I think I won the penis lottery.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
