kristin has been a bad kristin
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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