don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
