but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
