How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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