and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You are a booty call, not a friend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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