Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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