The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
