i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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