My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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