So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
