Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
