i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
