I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
