I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
