You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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