Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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