I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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