I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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