I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
