Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
