That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
