susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
