where does the pee come out of this thing
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
