I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you inspire me to be a worse person
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
