i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
