My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
