i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
