I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
