she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
