your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
