I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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