You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
