Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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