I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
this is an emotional support booty call
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
