Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
