Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
