he told me I talked like a deaf person
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
