these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
