i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Boobs are out for the taking
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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