high people should be assigned attendants
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
