I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
