Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
