so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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