great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am spending my child support on dildos
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
