if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
