I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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