I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
