it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
