Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize