woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize