fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
