i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
