I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
