I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
