You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
