once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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