this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
