ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
