i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
