i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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