did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
