she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
