I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
found the other keg... it's in the tree
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will be naked everywhere
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
