i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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