My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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