Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
