Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
