that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
