You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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